..and my time is a piece of wax fallin' on a termite, that's chokin on the splinters..

*salamat, bobet -- para kay anne sexton, na nagbigay-daan upang matagpuan ko ang tulang ito. para kay jeff buckley at tori amos, 'di pala ako nag-iisa. para sa maaksyong kwentuhan sa heroes park kasama si dylan. para sa mais con yelo moments sa gilid ng kapitolyo (hehe). maaaring 'di kita masabayan pagdating sa emo, pero sa ibang bagay nama'y maaasahan mo ako. after all, we're charmed.*

for my lover, returning to his wife
anne sexton

she is all there.
she was melted carefully down for you
and cast up from your childhood,
cast up from your one hundred favorite aggies.
she has always been there, my darling.
she is, in fact, exquisite.
fireworks in the dull middle of february
and as real as a cast-iron pot.
let's face it, i have been momentary.
a luxury.
a bright red sloop in the harbor.
my hair rising like smoke from the car window.
littleneck clams out of season.
she is more than that.
she is your have to have,
has grown you your practical your tropical growth.
this is not an experiment.
she is all harmony.
she sees to oars and oarlocks for the dinghy,
has placed wild flowers at the window at breakfast,
sat by the potter's wheel at midday,
set forth three children under the moon,
three cherubs drawn by michelangelo,
done this with her legs spread out
in the terrible months in the chapel.
if you glance up, the children are there
like delicate balloons resting on the ceiling.
she has also carried each one down the hall
after supper, their heads privately bent,
two legs protesting, person to person,
her face flushed with a song and their little sleep.
i give you back your heart.
i give you permission --
for the fuse inside her,
throbbing angrily in the dirt,
for the bitch in her
and the burying of her wound --
for the burying of her small red wound alive --
for the pale flickering flare under her ribs,
for the drunken sailor who waits in her left pulse,
for the mother's knee, for the stocking,
for the garter belt, for the call --
the curious call
when you will burrow in arms and breasts
and tug at the orange ribbon in her hair
and answer the call, the curious call.
she is so naked and singular.
she is the sum of yourself and your dream.
climb her like a monument, step after step.
she is solid.
as for me, i am a watercolor.
i wash off.

life in mono

monotonous (adj) - tediously repetitious; lacking variety; characterized by a monotone. -the new lexicon webster's dictionary

iyan ang salitang magsusuma sa buhay ko sa mga panahong ito. wala nang mas eexciting pa: gising. kape. noud tv. gawa sa bahay. ligo. pasok sa iskul. kain. yosi. aral. tambay. yosi. yosi pa uli. wapak. bondi. isa pang yosi. lakad. uwi. nuod tv. soundtrip. basa. tulog. daig pa ang sun cellular sa pagka-24/7. pero ewan ko ba, nagsasawa na 'ko. pati nga 'yung paghihintay sa text messages (pati ng mga tao) na 'di naman dumadating e parang kinatatamaran ko na rin, although for a time e naging drug of choice ko sha. nowadays, nothing fascinates me that much anymore. para bang 'been-there-done-that' ang drama ko. what i've been through is like the life and times of someone in his/her mid-thirties compressed into just twenty four years. malungkot. siguro nga tumatanda na 'ko. but i'm not afraid of growing old. other than the wrinkles and the gray hair and osteoporosis, i think it's not that bad. ayoko lang sigurong panawan ng kulay. no to ngarag! hehe. salamat na lang at puro mga pre-school ang nakakasama ko. echos! hindi ako magmamaganda at sasabihing alam ko ang mga sagot o solusyon. dahil sa totoo lang, marami pa 'kong 'di alam, at madalas pa rin akong nalilito. basta, gagawan ko ng paraan. hindi peding magliwaliw ako ng matagal sa putikang ito.

xs.
salamuy sa mono para sa pamagat. kahit na short-lived lang ang karir ng mga ate mo e patuloy na tutugtog ang kantang ito sa aking alaala, habang iniimagine kong umiinom si gwyneth sa fountain, at sinasalo naman ni ethan ang kanyang labi.

(tumutugtog ang 'passenger seat' sa background. kung nauna ko lang shang napakinggan, sa malamang e 'yun ang pamagat nito. buti na lang.)

the end is the beginning is the end

matapos ang makailang pakikipagtunggali namin ng aking imaginary friend kung meron bang blog site na 'di peding basahin ng mga nilalang na may pang-renta nga ng p.c. pero 'di naman makapagpatak 'pag me bangel session, sa wakas ay nailuwal ko na din 'to. naks. shushal.

buti na lang at me friendster blog, para sa mga tulad kong bobo sa html ek-ek. hehe.

salamat sa kanta ng now-defunct-ngunit-poreber-na-nakatatak-sa 'kin SMASHING PUMPKINS (alang 'the' 'yun, okay?!), nagkaroon ng titulo ang unang post ko.

SA MGA KUPALOIDS: olayin n'yo man ako, ala akong pakialam. basta 'wag lang kayong papaabot sa 'kin dahil uukitan ko mga bungo n'yo. direct descendant ata 'to ni romy diaz. sumalangit nawa.